Stop Chasing Love and Do This Instead :
How parenthood taught me to find true love.
Jasmines* Greetings to my dear readers and curious Souls!
Romantic view of life
I have always been that woman who is in love with love itself, who loves everything about love stories, happy endings and happily ever after; I could watch Mr Darcy’s “You bewitched me..” a thousand times, and tear up each time with the same intensity.
However, my theory that intense pure love is the solution to every single trouble in life collapsed gradually under the weight of living abroad, parenthood and an academic career…
And Blippi became the most important protagonist in my new romantic life.
Good parenting starts with self-love.
If It Is Not Endless, It Is Not Love.
I poured myself into my family, my work, my relationships, believing my love was endless. I became enslaved to an image of perfect children - well-behaved, thriving, meeting every expectation. My love, though intense, carried an unspoken message: ' My love is conditioned by your behaviour '
True unconditional love is endless, but that wasn't what I was giving. The difference became clear the day I discovered a terrifying emptiness within - I could no longer feel or give love
Then began my desperate hunt for love. I started chasing it from everyone... resenting those closest to me for not giving enough in return. I was hungry, I was angry, I was depleted.
True love should be liberating and empowering. When you find yourself chasing love, know this : it is not love, but attachment, an enslavement to perfection, whether in marriage or parenthood.
Burnout is Your Soul Screaming Me Me Me.
My breath felt more and more tightened, no one could understand what I was going through,the suffocation , the burnout… reducing my working hours and taking holidays eased my body but the war in my mind went on. Every request from my loved ones felt like a knife to my heart.
My struggles led me to the only path that held answers: spirituality. It was through prayer, through connection with the Creator, that the truth finally emerged, painful as it was: my children never asked to be born, and my love had been conditional all along.
My soul was desperately begging for a drop of pure, authentic divine love. Neither my children nor my partner could fill this void - they were never meant to. I finally understood: I needed to fill my own heart with divine love before I could give unconditionally to others.
How to Spot Conditional love
Pure divine love is endless, smooth and empowering. A healing love that diffuses into your loved ones’ souls, mending their wounds. You become a magnet to your children and spouse, no chasing love anymore. Instead, you will become their strength, their anchor. Pure divine love brings joy to your love, a joy that will grow day after day.
You become a magnet to your children and spouse, no chasing love anymore.
Conditional love - what we call attachment- in contrast, springs from a finite egoistic human pot, and sometimes, in romance, merely from biological hormones. You believe the other is your possession, you need to control them while constantly seeking returns and results. With your expectations, you become miserable and enslaved to outcomes. Any joy feels temporary, superficial, fading with time. Often you will feel depleted after giving, bitter with resentment when expectations aren't met.
Your Journey to Unconditional love begins here
If this letter helps even one human being - woman or man - I will be fulfilled. My aim is to acknowledge your suffering, to tell you that you are not alone. These feelings are your bridges, from a place of an egoistic attachment to a pure, unconditional love. Embrace them, own them, and connect!
The day my suffering led me to reconnect with divine love - the most profound, purest connection possible - became my day of freedom. Freedom of my soul thirsty for more…
If I did it, so can you.
First, open up your heart. Speak to your Creator, ask for help and guidance, and be ready to receive the answers. Second, feel grateful. You are alive, reading this letter, with a functioning mind and heart. Be thankful for the smallest gifts you've been given.
Third, acknowledge your missteps, seek forgiveness, and then move forward. Finally commit to a daily spiritual connection that grows your awareness and, most importantly, fills your heart with divine love.
My Current Project
After this transformative experience, I decided to write my first children's book - a love letter from a mother to her children. My hope is to illuminate their hearts and teach them about the depth and complexity of parental love.
More details about this journey will be revealed in my next letters, so stay tuned. If you would like to join the advanced readers team, drop me a message :-)
Art to Enhance Creativity, This week writing music.
Laila xx
* Jasmines: I grew up in a small north African town known as the city of roses, where we used to spread jasmines on sofas so that it would have a magical fragrance for all day. I was not sure what this greeting would convey to you, my readers, so I asked ChatGPT and here what he thought about it:
“Overall, this creates an impression of a sophisticated, inviting message aimed at an audience who appreciates beauty, warmth, and intellectual exploration. The use of jasmine imagery adds a sensory dimension, enhancing the overall appeal and allure of the greeting.”
What do you think about it? Do you agree with ChatGPT?